This article by Tara McGovern was originally published in Little Village issue 297.

I’m tearing my house apart looking for a piece of paper. The hunt delays the grief. That paper led me to take all of Ira “John” Rapson’s classes and to gratefully leap when he called me back into his ensembles years after graduation, playing first in jazz vespers, then in Hot Tamale Louie and now his swan song, Esteban and the Children of the Sun.

I don’t know who I would be without those experiences. John had a belief in me that I have yet to live into. 

I am spinning out about a piece of paper that I will never find.

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